Why john wilkes booth is an american hero

Hello there, my little scrumptious waterlogged blog readers. Yes...scrumptious AND waterlogged.
Conventional history would have you believe that John wilkes booth was the murderer of one of the great american presidents, Abraham Lincoln. What they do not say, is the sinister power that Abraham Lincoln truly was! In addition to his seancical powers of foresight, he was also constructing a solar powered mechanical spider, the likes of which the world had never seen, which was poised to wreack Lincolns terrible vengeance across the face of the earth...that and John wilkes booth was a southern dandy, which is always funny. So in conclusion, while Lincoln was a great leader, and effective president, the public at large was left in the dark abotu his more sinister secrets, now, if Booth were to dandify Lincoln rather than kill him, history would have played out in new and interesting fashion. Thank you loyal listners, and never stop reacing for that dandy paradise.
(having just frivolously assaulted the reputation of one of americas great leader, I am writing this side note in apology, it twas all in good fun, and Lincolns good name, must not be besmirched any further, goodnight, and never stop watching the skies!)