Humans taste like salty pork. Yes, my little love doves it shocked me as well. But I spoke to my good friend Gor'Ke, a well known Polyneisan cannibal to get the inside scoop. (No pun intended). Gor'Ke claims that after boiling his "dish" for many hours the salt content of the human body rises amazingly creating a salty pork like taste. Now, we may think that cannibals are found only in remote areas but there are many living in our suburbs and cities. LIKE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
Im sorry but I couldnt help myself. Now, how can we guard ourselves against such a distinguished foe? Easly. Two words. Salt water. I know, I know, its a bit "risque" but still trust me. Now allow me too explain. My friend Gor'Ke claimed that after a day of finding a body of an explorer in a the sea and the cooking him he claimed it tasted so bad he had to eat a pound of sand to get rid of the taste. Ergo if we as the general population drink 10 glasses a day of saltwater we will greatly reduce our chances of being eaten by cannibals.
However seeing as how there is a lack of salt water in the middle part of the continent they will be the first to go. The prairie folk will be eaten first because of thier lack of salt water content. Sad, yes but it is enivitable. So my advice to you is this. Drink your salt water, lock your doors and view everyone (I MEAN EVERYONE) with suspision. The cannibal could be your co-workers, your friends, even your family. So be careful and be safe and if you see anyone drooling and staring at you with hungry eyes. Throw glitter in their eyes. Now go eat your pizzas and chips. Thank you and adieu.
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