A salute to cheese making

It has recently come to my attention that the magnificent art of cheesemaking has gone criminally un-lauded for some time. I feel it is therefore my responsibility- nay pleasure, to relate to you the great joys of cheesemaking.
Now, not being a cheesemaker myself, perhaps you ask yourself "what right has he to this supposedly "lauded" subject, and what possible insight could he provide?" Perhaps it sounded something like this, in that internal monologue, those inner conversations, that you pretend are a perfectly normal part of life.

Self:

What right has he to this supposedly "lauded" subject, and what possible insight could he provide?

To this I say FOR SHAME! Supposedly lauded subject? How dare you deign to besmirch the good name of cheesemaking with your peremptory thought.

And if you're wondering how I so thoroughly read into your inner thoughts- well, lets just ignore that little inconsistency, I think you'll find that you'll be much happier if you leave the thinking up to your governing powers...yes..much happier indeed...

The art of cheesemaking dates back thousands of years, and effectively uses the waste products gathered from the general collection of milk. The art of taking a relatively bland collection of thick milk, and creating the cornucopea of flavours, textures and colours of cheeses is remarkeable. From the bathing of the curds, to the mixing of whey, the cheesemaking art has given us such a rich variety of delicious, and often pungeant gifts, that I feel a sincere thank you is much overdue. These cheese-men are true artisans, combining the scientific know-how of bacterial spores and cultures, with the artists eye, hands and pallete.

Cheese-men, we salute you! For you pungeant men of cheese, you wisconsin wonders. You bacterial beauties, you along with the yogourt creators of America have given us the greatest gift of all, a unique culture. Albeit a culture which only surfaces when left in the sun too long, but a true American culture none the less!

But cheese-making is not limited only to Wisconsim, oh no. A rich history of cheesemaking can be found throughout europe and the world. From parmesan to gouda, to mozzarella, we delight in europes cheese offering. And when thinking of european cheese, we think of Italy. The land of the colusseum, the renaissance, and parmesan. With their decadent, salty, and delicate aged cheeses, to their stringy delights, Italy is truly cheese at it's finest.

The rich history of Italian cheesemakers is also commendable, dating back to their earliest roots, and kept very much alive today, Italian cheesemaking's most powerful symbol is Pope Benedict XVI. This bastion of Italian cheesemaking rose from humble origins as Joseph Ratzinger, to become the great man he is today. This poster boy of cheese was elected pope, the traditional high position of cheeses, by a group of cardinals, the hight court of cheesemaking. The former Joseph Ratzinger, who changed his identity upon being elected pope Benedict XVI did so in order that he might sink into the shadowy world of high cheeseness, in which he holds direct control over world politics through threat of national cheese cut-off, or the threat of national cheese tainting.

The position of high cheeseness puts Benedict XVI in the position of dictating world policy to the world leaders. He has become the most powerful cheese-man in the world, but also, the most powerful man the world over.

I am aware that Joseph Ratzinger is not actually italian, which effectively destroys the argument that he has ties to Italian cheesemaking, and will also acknowledge that the fallacies, half truths, and whole lies in this article are rampant, however, I also think you will find that you'll be much happier if you leave the thinking to your "democratically elected" government; and also put forth my opinion that I don't believe that you'll mind these inconsistencies.

So, in review;

1)Pope Benedict XVI is an Italian cheesemaker.

2)Pope Benedict XVI is secretly running the world through threat of cheese sanction.

3)The culture of the United States only becomes visible if left out in the sun a little too long.

So drink your wine, eat your cheese, and appreciate the little America that is growing on your kitchen counter.

But don't eat that one.