Illegal Immigrants and Incoporeal

I was driving my 1976, two tone, two cynlinder, Gremlin down near the border betweeen Arizona and Mexico the other day. Happily whistling "Vacation Holiday" by the Gogos....I mean singing along to "Incoporeal" by (find out and win a prize). Anyway, all of a sudden I saw something incredibly odd. Four or five people darted out from underneath a fence right in my way. Well, if I hadnt stopped a good 25 feet from them we all couldve died.
So I carefully opened the passenger side door and crawled out fo my Gremlin. Then I saw them close up. It was John Bolton and some illegal immigrants. Needless to say I was startled. What was a UN diplomat canidate doing crawling under a fence near Tombstone Arizona? Mr. Bolton quickly ran up to me. Punched me in the head. And stole my Gremlin.
Several hours later I woke up with only a burlap sack covering my body. It was cold in the desert a fact I didnt realize til right then. So I began wandering alone. Coyote howls mixed with the roar of a T-Rex I thought I saw. Turned out later to be a cactus. Hey, Im a city boy. What do you suspect, Grizzly Adams?
Anywho, I walked alone for about 3 hours in the chill of the night. When as I came over a hill, almost dying from dehydration I saw a flash of metal. Running towards it a Gordon Campbell-esque drunk run I quickly found a metal locker buried in the desert. On finding no key I pick up a rock smashed it open. Inside laid what I never expected to find. Social Security checks. Hundreds of millions of them.
So I started a fire with them. Hey, I was cold. Besides I dont think any of them were yours. Unless your names started or ended with an 'A', then Im afraid its going to be a long winter. Anywhatthecrap, after I was toasty warm I promptly fell asleep.
Thats when the horror of horrors reached me. I woke up happy. Then began to get my bearings. I was hit by a realization. I had woken up, in the middle of a Maroon 5 concert. My mind was going to explode from the noise of the air-raid, off tune, annoying and lame sounds of the band. Their entire fan base was there. All 12 of them. I took off faster then Bush when he hears the word oil.
Now I wont bore you people on how I made it out of the desert. Needless to say it involves some RANGERS who have POWER. The point my friends is this. If you can find a kiwi youll survive in the desert. And if you ever find yourself in a Maroon 5 concert, run like your feet are going out of style. Now I must go and find my Gremlin.
Adieu.
My thumbs are marching to Krakow.