LIFE

So this is what life is: a lot of disapointments and some randomly placed "good times"? I'm asking b/c part of me is wondering if this statement is generally true while the other part is trying to weigh if it's worth just giving up. A person can only go one for so long and can only invest so much of themselves until nothing's left. And you're just left w/ yourself or whatever is left of yourself that is, when "friends" and experiences are done deteriorating you. This is sounding quite hopeless isn't it? I guess it shouldn't though b/c I'm a Christian and should have all the hope in the world, right? Don't you hate it when you know one thing and believe it yet it's so contrary to you feel? And what's the deal w/ feelings and emotions controlling humanity anyways?! I don't get it, it frustrates me. Actually, the reason why it frustrates me is b/c I do get it and sometimes I just feel stuck inside myself and I can't express the ways I may want. I see myself acting and falling into things like everyone around me and sometimes, I can't seem to stop myself. We have so much potential and so much power behind us and gifts w/n us, yet we limit ourselves constantly. It's incredibly dissapointing, i can only imagine how it must make God feel Who has all these amazing plans for us and Who built us for success.

I'm semi-depressed. Maybe i shouldn't blog when i am. I like life, i think it can be very vibrant and fun and there's many times where i've stood still and soaked in all life had to offer. I value those times. And if Iwere to step completely out of the self-centered bubble that's around my mac right now, I would honestly say that I love my life too. It must just be one of those days...so how does one deal w/ these "days" and in some cases, seemingly "months"? Do they just stay busy and keep going and forget? Is it healthy to forget? Maybe I should just lower my expectations but then again, it's b/c of lack of expectation that people settle for what's around them and it soon becomes normal and there we have it, the world...The one we helped create b/c we couldn't believe for anything more. At the same time i am only 19 and maybe it's best that I don't go there until then. I think i'll just settle w/ *this* just being LIFE...mainly b/c it's easier to say that and shove it to the side. Maybe someday i'll work on all the things i've shoved to the corners of my table but right now it's what's easier. Yes i'm human and yes i'm settling for less but it seems like it hurts less to settle for less and get less than to hope and be disappointed once again.

And as far as off shore comments go, I would not reccomend long-distance relationships to anyone. I'd like the say that is most of why i feel hopeless and depressed tonight...What can i say? Life just gets hard when you can't be w/ your bestfriend and boyfriend. But that's just how life will be for the next couple years so you just gotta run w/ it and give it your best shot. I sure hope i'm still a good person and can still love and invest in people the ways i want too when the day's done. To me, that's what matters most i suppose.