Balance. To walk a tight-rope. To cross an abyss. To live. Life is a balance. Avoid hell, gain heaven. Minimize pain, maximize pleasure. It seems to me that every time I find some sort of contentment, understanding or happiness in life it is always balanced out with an equal or relatively worse event or feeling of shittiness. It is not merely an emotional low, but a period of intense confusion, darkness, numbness, hopelessness and motionlessness. Does this feeling of shittiness merely come from the relatively less pleasurable "norm" experienced after coming down from a point of ecstatic revelry? Or, is it that the universe will not allow for any concentration of contentment lest it should explode or implode due to an unbalance? Could there be a law of the universe which tends back to stability? I know, I know, scientists have many laws about such things. I am not expert enough to name them though. I am speaking in a psychological, or more precisely, a spiritual, ephemeral, mystical or esoteric sense, but who really knows?
Maybe I am just bipolar...but then again I believe that all "psychological abnormalities" are just more distilled manifestations of the human experience. Am I "maladaptively" endowed with a fluctuating psychie which takes me to the top of mountain-tops and then plunges me to the depths of the cold ocean floor. Worse still, a psychie which takes me to both places at once and leaves me in a completely and miserably insane world of grey.
I hate psychiatrists.
They are worse than church...I love saying that, as if church were a basis for guaging something's level of pestilense to my soul.
And I've slipt, so there is nothing more to write.
Abyss...
2 comments:
Everything has its antithesis. I think, unfortuneately, or perhaps fortuneately, you'll find this no matter how high you seem to climb. One never can find contentment. It's simply unattainable.
Nothing is impossible. Apparently there have been others who have been able to obtain contentment via reaching an elusive enlightment that was a product of years of meditation etc. University has unfortunately primed my brain to reason in biological and psychological explanations. Perhaps this contentment was simply obtained by practicing to control ones own hormone levels through conscious cognitive control. Whatever the case, the topsy turvy aspect to emotions make life a bit more exciting...wouldn't the world be a scary place if everyone was content? A world of only Mr. Rogers!? Seriously...it's a scary thought.
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