Keebler elves

Elves. I like elves, because they help to create delicious, delicious cookies for our consumption. Wouldn't working elves all night making cookies without pay, and with crazy hours constitute a sort of slave labour? And are these elves aware that they're helping to lead our children head first into an obesity epidemic.
Oh, I remember the obesity epidemic of ol' aught 9, it was horrible jimmy, there were porkchops and cheesecake everywhere! I wonder if they're happy, because in an existentialist, moral-less world, if the elves are happy in their ebesity making, enslaved lives, then what's wrong with it right? HAPPY ELVES!
I wonder if the elves like pudding. As long as you're going for obesity, why not pudding? It's hard to make though, I wonder if the elves would have the arm power to stir it, but then I guess they'd be making tiny little batches. Wee little batches.
I believe jump ropes to be the definetively most sexist playground tools in the world. It is enforcing within young girls that they can at one time "play" with men for their own enjoyment, who are here reprisented in a fallic symbol of the jump rope, and is further mocking those men plagued with erectile dysfunction by using a limp rope as a fallic symbol. Sea animals have no feelings. I once saw a man stab a crab and drain it's blue blood and make an alcoholic cocktail with it. If that wont turn you off of drinking, nothing will. I don;t think we're honest enough in this society, I think we're all living with some nefarious "lab" in our lives, but we sugar coat human relations, making this oft messy subject real glossy, like an 8 by 10 glossy photo, not to be mistaken with a 9 by 5 matte, oh no, their COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! We dont use the word nefarious enough, it's a good word, that and brilliant, the british use it all the time as an normal adjective.
ie. That dish of pasta was brilliant, or that's an absolutely brilliant t-shirt. Work on that.
That and howdydoo, I like that, work on that too.
I like woodwind instruments, although I never understood that name. Wind has nothing to do with it. stupid....instument...naming...people...
And racists are no good, except for that one burly russian who keeps picking on Poor andrew, he's no good. But just that one.
I dislike capitol letters, I go through phases of using them
a) randomly
b) constantly
c) sporatically
d) never
e) always
f) nonsensically spread throughout words and phrases.
but I guess that's the way I likes it.
Hollandaise sauce is weird, btu you should always keep a saucepan full of it handy.
I can;t say what for, but when the time comes...you'll know.
or will you?...hmm...maybe I should just say.
But then, what if I say it, and it was unnecessary, and it ruins it.
or if you can;t be trusted and you spill the beans? hmmm, maybe I should think for a little while about thi- OH NO, THE BURLY RUSSIAN!
CHEESE IT!!!!!!