Once you have opened the packing
it will be entirely impossible
for you to suppress
the desire to overcome
such an exciting challenge of your tongue.
However, don't be dissapointed with your repeated failure;
you may continue with your habit.
Takes the thirst out of everyday time,
a pure whiff of oxygen, painting over a monochrome
world in primary colours.
We all know that
is why everyone loves fruit.
If dishes are nice, square ceilings become round.
What everyone can say, TASTY!
It's fresh, so mild, with some special coffee's
bitter and sourtaste.
LET'S HAVE SUCH A COFFEE NOW!
Refreshed and foppish sense,
and comfortable and fresh styles
will catch you who belong
to city groups.
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7 comments:
Why do you stay up all night? You're like a crack head. Or a vampire. Either way I'm bringing a cross and a stake.
HOW DO YOU KNOW I WAS UP ALL NIGHT?!
Back, back ye devil!
I think that if you incorporated this sort of writing style and the ideas being expressed into a sort of dialogue or even just had a speaker narrating the idea then these hyper-visceral pieces that you have been doing would be much more captivating. They are beautiful images, we both know that they just need a narrative structure.
That's a very good point.
Narrative structure...
Yes, I've been struggling to find a plot and narrative structure to the bank of ideas that these recent things belong to.
I seemed to intentionally avoid doing so in these things, when confronted with the choice, adding only a very few instances of dialogue, but never using names, and never creating a defined narrative voice. It's all very much obscured.
I was thinking along the same lines as what you've commented, and had been reading them again when in a more reasoning mindset, and agree entirely. These belong to the same idea, and should be incorporated. I just need to overcome the last hurdle of creating a defined narrative voice and structure. I think I was avoiging this because I felt I needed to *understand* myself, and all the people around me, and where we're all going. Of course this is impossible. I'm going to think about this, and I'll talk more about it when I see you again.
Or you could write it in a true dialogue style, non-novellistically. (Like he said above) to the general effect of Plato &c. (I mean even if they didn't exist, it still makes philosophy a little more readable than endless paragraphs.)
Tell me, does this stuff come off as self-involved?
That's very important to avoid, it would seem.
Let me know.
Yes, both you and I are very self-involved, but I think your voice betrays it much less. I glorifiedly bask in my solipsism. Your writing is also more mature than my own. So, I guess someone could take your writing as self-involved, but that need not be a bad thing.
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