Namaste

It is impossible to see the dusk. It is an equivocal state of luminocity, in between day and night. As a child I would sit in a field and wait to capture a glimpse of the dusk. I was attempting to pinpoint the single instance, the flash, however brief, in which light turned into dark. When the restless illumination calmed to a peaceful and soft darkness. But, I could never find it. Try as I might my mind and eyes would either see day or night and then if I sat for too long then night would overwhelm, I would miss the dusk, the chance of finding the elusive, the chance to see the equivocal transition in which knowledge becomes understanding.

As I sat in the field people would walk past me. Some didn't give me a second thought; others were interested as to why I would sit in a field staring at "nothing"(nothing = not tv etc). I would tell my task to those who asked me, some laughed and walked away, others came and sat beside me. Some of those who stayed would claim to have seen the dusk and then leave, a select few would sit in longing frustration along with me. I have always been thankful for those who would sit and stare with me. It was more important that they be there than I knew at the time.

I think though, that I have seen the dusk now. I did not pinpoint it, it is not a flash, it is a becoming. In order to find the dusk I slowed myself down and stretched myself out. This can only be done by looking forwards and back and examining the process, the transition, the dialiectic, the image, art, an utterance of sight, of genuine experience. In the flashes of ecstatic sunlight and smooth dark understanding we see, but we cannot see the transition, the point where THAT WHICH IS, becomes real, when oblivion becomes eternity, in us, the fragmented pieces, the lens which gives existence to the luminescent/infinite infinity of spirals. In this drawn out moment, there is only holy laughter, intense laughter that is also weeping, pain and loss at having gained everything.

If only I could learn to reside in those drawnout moments of dusk, to experience the rending joy of equivocal/internally illuminated existence! To experience the connections of everything! Oh, it is certainly a good thing to sit with another, to share that moment, to be suspended together, twisted, inextricable linked in reality.

To sit in a field in the blazing hot sun- to be filled, dried and made incoherent and pregnant by knowledge.
To remain in the field while the elusive dusk passes by undetected- knowledge transforming into understanding.
To remain in that now-dark field, the stars and moon above, darkness enveloping life, a sea of contentment, a deep understanding, yet longing, a restless stirring, more satisfying than satisfaction, glutted appetitive satisfaction.
To pass through these three stages, especially with another person, that is hiros gamos, holy union with ALL THAT WHICH IS. This is what gives being to the infinite spirals of infinity. This is how the flint strikes the tinder. If we can reside with another within this process of becoming we can see and experience our role in creating, in being, in the infinite. WE ARE!