Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Chicken Pot Pie

In the Empire State building, when men conferenced for newer, more efficient, cost- effective rubber solutions, and women hurriedly scribbled memos to drop in the void- tube to nowhere, there was Helen, an old hen, living her final days in the coo-coo's nest, left of the barn, near
the farmhouse. When the time came to lay an egg, she would try and try, and yet every time still, come up at a deficiency. This happened time and time again, until at last, the other hens began to notice.

"She's just not got any left, I'm telling you," said the two little hens from accounting. "She's run out!"

"Oh hush you two," Said the Work Horse, peeking in through the door, "I bet she'll still have many."

"She's missed nearly three, horse," said one of the young hens, flauntingly.

"It's never been a problem before," Replied the Horse, " In all the years I've known her."

"Then your memory must be going before your age, horse, she's not laid an egg for near a month."

-"Yha, Yha! Forward!" Cried the farmer.

"I still DON'T REMEMBER ANY-" Neighed the work horse.

The whip finally snapped, and the horse plodded on forward. The gossiping hens heard the wagon beat on, and grow more faint.

The days rolled past, and things in the cubicle stayed much the same. The old hen had still not laid an egg, and the farmer grew more and
more impatient. By the end of the fiscal year the old hen seemed infertile, and finally the farmer came by to inspect.

"I tell you Josephine, there's only 6!"

"Well check again Robert, we need more than that!"

The farmer counted off the eggs, pointing at them dumbly, "One, Two, Three, Four-"

" -Robert, the carton is empty. I need another dozen," Josephine interrupted, standing with her hip to the door post, holding the empty carton in her left hand, above her elbow.

The farmer walked down the row of cubicles to inspect the three hens. He lifted the first, then the second, and patted each gently on the
head in the vain belief that one more should fall out. He gathered two eggs in his left hand and rolled them gently in his basket. He finally lifted old
Helen, the third, and patted her on the head. Nothing falling out, and not wanting to be wasteful, he picked her up, placed her gently on the table
outside the nest, and removed a knife from the wall. He held it against the skin above her neck, and drove it quickly through.

41 comments:

Altruistic Indemnity said...

WooHoo, 100th Post.

Anonymous said...

HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THAT TO POOR HELEN!?
YOU'RE THE WORLDS' GREATEST MONSTER!

Anonymous said...

P.S.
You can't very well go on using the same picture as I do.
It's just plain confusing.
Like a plaid duckling who turns into a swan, and the belle of the ball. Think about it...

Anonymous said...

P.S.S.
There are now four men in bowler hats in a row...with apples

Erroneous Monk said...

Im so bewildered and frightened

Heliantheae said...

dude. I'm confused.

the philosopher one said...

ummmmm does anyone else smell the film Chicken Run anywhere?

Anonymous said...

it's abotu the inherant worth of things beyond their capability to produce what you feel is worthwhile.
They killed poor helen the chicken when she stopped laying eggs.
Who determines value?

Heliantheae said...

maybe they were hungry for some real chicken meat. yum

Erroneous Monk said...

I'm hungry for waffles....hey jen....

Heliantheae said...

no comment

Anonymous said...

you are all heartless monsters.
poor helen

Heliantheae said...

i'm a scientest, not a monster, and you're all a bunch of crazy philosophers

Anonymous said...

Scientist...monster...I fail, to see adequate distinction.
Haha, just kiddin' jen.
There goes the philosophy again...

Erroneous Monk said...

Im not a philospher. I am king. And if by scientist you mean mixing flour and eggs to make me a waffle...then yes, you are a scientist.

Heliantheae said...

NO WAFFLES!

Heliantheae said...

okay, so maybe for the greater good of everyone involved, it's better that the chicken should die.

Anonymous said...

But it can only feed maybe two people...unless you have a side dish...and salad...
Shouldn't name animals if you're just gonna eat them when they stop producing.
Poor Helen.

Erroneous Monk said...

Mmm. Chicken. I like stabbing westward. It makes me giggle. Youre such a spoilsport jen.

Heliantheae said...

what did i do?

Anonymous said...

you failed to provide waffles.
As is your perogative.
Take that john.
hahahahaha

Heliantheae said...

excuse me?

Erroneous Monk said...

Curse you for taking my place! Oh jen dont worry. All you gotta do is get the waffle batter and....

Heliantheae said...

JOHN!

Erroneous Monk said...

What? I just want waffles. In fact I think I will obtain them this weekend. Thereby revlieving you of any waffel duty jen. for now.

Heliantheae said...

so...people in africa are just like a part of economics. the children with aids dont get to go to school. apparently they'll die and hence are a waste of time and money. so what are we going to do about it?

Erroneous Monk said...

Waffles?

Heliantheae said...

i think some one wants to post...and that some one does not include me...

Erroneous Monk said...

I have no time to post on this thing. The revolution waits for no man. Its Philos turn....or Penguin.

Anonymous said...

i just read the last part and it was so sad...mmm...i need john to "houd" me right now. baby, i'll make you all the waffles you want!!!

Altruistic Indemnity said...

Why don't one of *you* guys post. I've got something, but it's not done.

Heliantheae said...

is that for real? fuck waffles

Erroneous Monk said...

She loves me. Hey, I have little time. make Jen post something. Rant about...asian girls or something.

Heliantheae said...

i'll think about it

Altruistic Indemnity said...

I'll put something up this week, everyone.

Erroneous Monk said...

Its jens turn. I want to hear how she hates asian girls stealing the white men. It humours me.

Heliantheae said...

but now that i have a white man, i neednt be so bothered about the asian chicks...he aint intersted in them. ha ha ha

Erroneous Monk said...

Yes but youre so amusing when you rant, dear jen.

the nortre dame said...

hey, we don't steal the white guys...i can't help it if me and my girls in the pacific and polynesia beat any white girls' ass w/ our looks. we're just hotter than you are. freaking deal w/ it. and i highly doubt that your white man wouldn't want to do an asian in the many fantasies he doesn't tell you about. case settled. and YOU'RE not invited to waffles!

Anonymous said...

ooooooOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh

reeeear!

the nortre dame said...

what? i don't take no shit like that from anyone.